i try so hard to say no but for some reason i cant and then i get really angry at myself…i just wish there was an easy way to get over this probem but it seems impossible..it seems like im worried that i might make someone angry..the thing that bothers me the most is that people seem to take advantage of me and even though i know this i still cant just say NOOOOOO…IM WORRIED IM GONNA SNAP..PLEASE HELP.. ewaddell82
The word “No” seems to be one of the hardest words for people to use. OrealE? Yes “Oh Real-ly!” The quote above sums it up. It’s hard for us to say no because we are worried about how someone may respond or feel about us. We don’t want to have to deal with that feeling of guilt or rejection that we ourselves place on ourselves because we rejected someone. Remember we don’t like that feeling of rejection ourselves. This being the fact then there are some tough questions we need to ask ourselves.
Do you know how to say no?
Do you know how to say no to others?
Do you know how to say no to yourself?
Can you truly be honest with yourself and answer these questions truthfully? Do you say no in a way that is disrespectful to others and yourself or do you say no in a responsible manner? Do you have the ability to say no to someone without feeling guilty? Can you say no to yourself when you know that the decision or choice you are making will have a negative impact on you?
Here’s a list of great reasons to say “No.”
- It will make you feel better.
- Because you don’t want to do it.
- It builds self-esteem.
- You place the responsibility back on the individual.
- If they won’t do the same for you why do the same for them?
By saying no for the right reasons you won’t find yourself making excuses for something that you really didn’t have to do nor want to do. If you end up not fulfilling what you agreed to do then you are made out to be a liar. Don’t set yourself up. It’s better to just say no and deal with the feeling than say yes and not do it.
If you don’t want to do something. Say no. You should never be made to feel guilty about turning down, turning away, or turning off an offer. There are moments when you don’t want to do something but it is better off that you do it because it is the right thing to do. But we know the difference between someone asking for the right reasons as opposed to selfish reasons. Even if you can do it understand by you saying no it will not be the end of the world. The individual or group you said no to will manage just fine without you. Where there is a will there is a way.
People that don’t say no find out quickly that their kindness is taken for weakness. This ultimately produces anger within us when we are taken for granted. But this is what we allow. By saying no it helps you build dignity in yourself because you will find that the word no doesn’t hurt anyone. Besides why should you be the only one helping the same individual or group for the same ol’ reasons.
Remember we help people because the need is there and it is harder for them to achieve a goal compared to what you are capable. But there are those that are capable individuals themselves but turn to you because they know that you will do it. Put the responsibility back on them. This is where we become enablers. We allow certain people in our lives to continue a certain behavior because we refuse to put the responsibility in their hands. You will not always be their to cover someone else butt. They are going to have to learn at some point how to cover their own.
That’s called reciprocity. You do for others without expecting anything in return. But the question is will they do the same for you? If you ask for help or a favor and the response to you is persistently no or there is an unreasonable expectation of something in return then you need to learn to set boundaries with that individual or group. You do what you do because its your choice but don’t do something because you feel obligated for no healthy reason.
Learning to say no is a journey that takes the support of positive others and yourself. Do what you do because you care, it doesn’t overwhelm you, your help is appreciated, and you expect nothing in return. Whether you succeed or fail at your attempt to use the word no at least it will be on your own merits.
Sources: About.com
